have you ever ?

have you ever loved somebody so much.... and it makes you cry ?

have you ever needed something so bad and you can't sleep at night ?

have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right ?

have you ever ? :))

have you ever been in love so bad, you'd do anything to make them understand ?

have you ever had someone steal your heart away ?? :) and you'd give anything to make them feel the same ~

have you ever searched the words to get you in their heart ?

but you don't know what to say and where to start -,-

have you ever found the one you dreamed all your life ??

you'd do just about anything to look into their eyes <3

have you finally found the one ? :)

have you ever given your heart to someone only to find that they won't give their heart to you ? :'(

 have you ever ?

have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there ??

have you ?

while all you can do is wait.....for the day that they will care.. :(

credits for the lyrics :)))

westlife - have you ever

exam ? senang ja bha tu :DD

omg ! time flies.. yupp ! i don't even realize that i almost done my first semester in university ! yayy ~ haha ( baru part one lahhh ). and now.. :(( the saddest part is, it's 2 weeks only before exam and i haven't ready anthing yett.. oh my.. this is so pathetic T_T ~~

well, i dun come here to fail by the wayy..but ~~~~ arghhh !!!!!! oh my God, i feel like crying now.. God, i'm so scaredd.. huhu.. i remember that dayy when all my mood fly away ~ i can't even smile or laugh..and it all because this exam. i just so scareddd ~~ huhu.. wait. tau takut, but still juga malas mau study... arghh,,why can't I be like anybody else ?? yang rajin-rajin yuee ?? huhu

i don't want banana fruit 2 times ( HAHAHAHA). yeahh~ i mean, i don't want to repeat my mistakes..like what i've done in my matriculation time. i screwed it all away..especially during 1st sem. huhu.. i got the chance, but then blow it away just like thattt ~~

i know, it time now for me to add oil ! chayok-chayok ! i know i can do it ! yeahh..mind-set bebyy ~~ yup.. JANGAN TAKUT, PERCAYA SAJAAA :)) yeahh ! i love my God. i know He'll always there for me. :) now i will just do my best to study whatever it is, and let my God do the rest. i remember He said in the Bible, " Jangan takut, sebab Aku ini Allah mu ".. Yes Lord, i shall not afraid, for You are there for me.. amen. I can do this. yeahh ~ percaya saja. :))

to mum && dad, i promise i won't let both of you down this time. i'll make you proud :)

to me, pleasee..study hard + smart :) okay.

to  f.love, goodluck :)

to God, I LOVE YOU more than anything <3

aim : Dean Award. amen ;p

when you're gone...

here's my aki. My beloved aki :)) it's been 13 days now since he passed away. yupp.. i still miss him . yupp. deeply missing him. my tears still won't stop :'( it was 30th of November when i was in the bank with my friends when i got phone call from my Mummy. i was so excited about the phone call because i thought i was about the money that I've requested. hehehe :)) but all of sudden, my tears burst as i've been told that Aki has gone... after suffer for a long time with his illness. i was so sad. regretting the days when i was not there to look after him... i remember he said, before i registered into university, i was eating in front of him, with my cousins.. he looked us, and says, " if i die, don't leave me. stay beside me until the day you bury me, " then my grandma tease him by saying, ' nope, we will just throw your body into the river and let the crocodiles eat you," hahaha :'D we follow her by laughing. then with blurryy face, my Aki said, ' Haina' - a murutians languange ... hahaha.. it was so funny that time. goshhh.. :'(.. how i miss the smile of my Aki... 9.45 p.m,November,30th, i got up from my chair ready for boarding. i got into the que, grabbing some kit kat nugget from my backpack, filling my empty stomach. hmmm. only God knows how i can't wait to reach Sabah. huhuhu.. 1.00 a.m, we arrived KKIA, and my dad directly drive to Tenom. 5.00 a.m sharp, we arrived at my village... i got into the house, i saw a coffin, covered with blanket. as i walk approaching the coffin, my cousin opened the cover... my God, i can't help my feeling. i burst into tears. i can't believe, my Aki, that one time, always tells a bedtime story to me, gives me money to buy ice-cream..now lying inside the coffin, pale and cold. :'((( i cried till my heart contented.... until i fall asleep beside his coffin. i saw my cousins were sleeping beside him too. just as his wish.. except for my sister. she was in Sarawak that time.. time goes by.. i looked at the clock, it was 3 p.m.. i saw my uncles and some villager standing, like the are ready to lift the coffin.. i know it's the time for burial.. i can feel my tears falling down from my eyes. i know it was the last chance too see my Aki's face.. i saw my grandmother hugs the coffin. she cried out loud.. i know how she felt... 5 p.m, the burial ceremony ended.. we got back to home.. everyone shed their tears..hah. even they wipe their tears away, i know, their heart still full with sorrow :((

 Aki, you will be missed. we'll never forget you. I know, we all will meet again :)) You're in a better place now,,free from the illness you suffered in this world. Rest In Peace, beloved Aki Lunam...

God, forgive him for all the he'd done. Make him stay with you. in the name of Jesus, amen.. -.-

T R U S T

trust

God talk to me......

" I've been watching you closely up from heaven,  see the dark clouds hanging above your head.. As the enemies and vultures closed behind you.. you feel you've LOST.. with nowhere left to go.. But I've promised that I would never leave you.. though my timing's hard for you to comprehend.. but do you TRUST Me ? and know that I'm there..? to see you through... right until the end ...?? "

Let your HOPE be made known to God in your prayer

&& I pray....

" For so many days and nights I've prayed to Heaven, While the enemies were waiting for my fall....When all around me felt like sinking sand, No place to stand, with only Your name I can call... Now I know my faith in You is being shaken..And I'm not afraid to say that I am scared..But I do know You're true to all Your words.. You are my God and I know that You'll be there... "


I still believe in miracles.... that you'll be part of the sea and save my day... Yes God,, i still believe in miracles.. and knows that You are always there for me.....

lyrics of ' i still believe in miracles' sang by Sidney Mohede... Be BLESSED !

DIET ?

nightmare.

 

GEMUK ? arghhhhhh. It's a nightmare right ? YES it is ! Fat is everywhere. Bertaburan sana sini. Hmm..Hilang semua confident. Mau beli baju pun susah kan ?? yeapp ! Everyone AFRAID of fat ass ! even me too. But I'm one of  the victim now. I'm FAT. My weight is 6* Kg now. opssss ! secrettt.. hehe. Tapi it's okay. Saya boleh DIET mahh ! hehe. Here some tips.... tips on how am I going to carry my plan on my diet. haha :D. sharing is caring (:

The FIRST thing is...

 

SET in mind that you are on diet ! hehe. You may write on o piece of plain A4 paper...ouh, and it have to be WHITE paper. only white paper. Write on the paper four letter D I E T with black ink. Only black ink okay. hehe.. other colours is forbidden (: . Paster it on your bedroom wall. hehe.. Everytime you see this thing on your wall, you will know tthat you are on diet... and you will feel guilty if eat ! hehe.. Try it. hehe. The power of mindset. Hehe..

NEXT........

Eat fruits instead of rice, mee, meat or bla bla bla that high in calories. ! This is the important part. hahaha! what's the point of dieting if you keep on eat those thing ? haha. come on ! yeap.. mula-mula memang la susah.. Tapi kalau cuba untuk tahan itu nafsu. boleh bah tuu ! hehe... bah, kalau tidaj tahan juga mau makan buah saja tiap hari, let's find alternative wayy. hehe. okay, we still cut RICE from the list. totally forbidden. hehe. We can try mixed vegetables soup. It's only soup but still delicous thou.  hehe.. orr... add some vercimille in the soup. is it vercimille ? or what we called it? SUHUN ? yes..that's it.. put some suhun in your soup and some mixed fish cake or fish ball. remember.. MODERATION is the key. hehe (:. jangan la simpan banyak-banyak kan.. sama juga tu nanti. hehe... See ! diet won't be a boring habit anymore, but healthy and yummy ! hehe..

Proceed....

 Be concern on how many calories you consume in a day...  a pack of maggie have approximately 400kcal for 1 meal. hmmm..that's is quite a lot. hehe...so, avoid it from now ! hehehe.. Make sure, when you want to buy food, or junk food, or fast food, or canned drinks or ice cream or what so ever, make sure you read the label. uh, i mean, the nutrients fact. Look at the calories contains.. If it contains 400> kcal, just forget it and find something more lower in calories. you still can eat, but maybe once in a month ?? hehehe. Forget about burger, KFC, PIZZA, choc, ice cream and bla bla bla.... hahaha..sebulan sekali mungkin boleh la.. calories durang tinggi gilakkkkk ! hehehe

NOW..

Don't forget to work out. hehe... Jog maybe ? 5 laps a day.. or maybe 10 laps ? wow.. hehe.. but really, it will help a lot ! hehe. or maybe if jogging is boring enuf for you, why don't try skipping ? or hiking up hill ? orr..aerobic ? hehe... play badminton... anything you like, but make sure it is outdoor games. hehe.. it helps burn calories in your body more faster.. hohoho

OR......

Drink lime juice. Helps you reduce the fat in you body. hehe. drink it everytime espcially after your meal. NO SUGAR okayy. memang la asam.. tapi tahan jak la bhaa.. hehehe (:

or try to add with some honey ! it will be more effective.. betul... you will see after one month.. you will see the difference.. but depends on what you eat la. hehehe.. apa guna kalau minum tapi makan macam tak ingat dunia jak.. haha.. baru ada second round lagi tu. hahaha

AND...

Find a friend.. or more. bawa dorang berdiet.. hehe.. so, bila korang terasa mau makan banyak.. adalah juga orang yang mau marah korang.. kasi kamu brainwash. hahaha..

Finally..

 hehehe ! tu la ba yang saya buat lau mau kurus....mari kita menguruskan diri sama-sama.. haha... beli baju yang cantik-cantik nanti..gagagaga.. My aim, 50kg.. i will go for it...no matter what it takes.. ^_^

Rekindle Your Spirit.

He listen to every prayer.

I want to share something. Share how good my God is.. How powerful Prayer and Faith is

Doa dan Iman

Saat makan siang dengan beberapa teman, salah seorang dokter bedah bertanya kepada saya," dokter, operasi terhebat apakah yang pernah Anda lakukan?"

Saya bingung harus menjawab operasi yg mana. Saya sudah banyak melakukan operasi Dan semuanya menuntut keahlian, kesabaran, ketelitian yg tinggi. Kemudian saya teringat pada operasi yg dijalani oleh gadis kecil yg hanya mempunyai harapan 10% saja untuk hidup.

Malam itu para perawat membawa seorang gadis kecil yg berwajah pucat masuk ke-ruang operasi. Waktu itu pikiran saya sedang dipenuhi berbagai macam persoalan yang berat. Ketika para perawat sedang mempersiapkan pembiusan, gadis kecil ini bertanya kepada saya ....

"Dokter bolehkah saya menanyakan sesuatu ?"

"Ya sayang, apa yg ingin kamu tanyakan?"....

"Setiap malam sebelum tidur saya selalu berdoa, sekarang sebelum operasi dimulai, bolehkah saya berdoa?"......

"Baiklah anak manis, engkau memang harus berdoa, jangan lupa berdoa juga untuk saya.".........

Kemudian gadis kecil itu melipat kedua tangannya Dan berdoa......"Yesus, engkau gembala yang baik, berkatilah domba kecilMu malam ini, dalam kegelapan, kiranya Engkau dekat denganku,lindungi aku sampai datangnya sinar mentari esok pagi.Dan berkati pula dokter yg akan mengoperasiku."

Setelah menutup doanya gadis kecil itu berkata "sekarang saya sudah siap Dokter".

Mata saya berkaca2, melihat betapa besar iman yang dimiliki gadis kecil tersebut. Malam itu sebelum saya mulai operasi, saya berdoa......

"Tuhan yg baik, engkau boleh tidak membantuku dalam operasi yang lain, tapi kali ini bantulah aku untuk menyelamatkan gadis kecil ini,"

kemudian saya mulai mengoperasi gadis kecil itu Dan keajaiban terjadi, dia disembuhkan.

Saat berpisah Dan melepas gadis kecil itu untuk kembali ke rumah, maka saya sadar sesungguhnya sayalah " pasien" yg menjalani operasi iman. Gaya hidup gadis kecil itu mengajarkan bahwa jika Kita menyerahkan seluruh masalah & beban hidup Kita ke dalam tangan Tuhan, maka Dia akan memulihkan & menolong Kita.

Doa & Iman !......
Membuat Kita yakin bahwa Tuhan mampu memelihara & menjaga harapan yang Kita gantungkan kepadaNya. Doa menjadikan iman sebuah kenyataan. Doa yg dinaikkan dengan iman akan menghapuskan kekuatiran di dalam hati Kita, sehingga DOA itu akan mendatangkan mujizat. Tidak Ada yg mustahil bagi orang yang percaya kepadaNya, karena itu tetaplah berdoa dengan penuh kenyakinan & pengharapan di dalam nama Tuhan Yesus Kristus.

Yohanes 16 : 24
"Sudahkah kamu berdoa dengan iman ? Mintalah maka kamu akan menerima dengan penuh sukacita.........."

p/s :I share this from someone in facebook. This is really inspiring me, rekindle my spirit and makes me really believe to the power of a prayer and let me know that, God listens (:

SORRY

 Back to old story, I was so young when I first saw him. Everytime I saw him, my heart beats out from normal. yes ! I'm in love. I know I was to young for all this crap but hey, I'm just a human being, i have feelings too. It doesn't take only matured woman to fall in love, but a teen like me too.So young and so naive. hehe. so, i fall in love and we get together, i mean, couple ;D. In that time, I'm just thinking that all my love would be only for him, just him. Day after day, time pass away, as my love grow stronger..... he broke my heart. He cheated on me. I feel very stupid. Even now i still think myself is stupid for falling in love in such young age. haha ! hmm.. I was really broken that time. I cried, YES i do. Maybe because i really love him. stupid. I was really broken when he took my love for granted while I love him with all my heart. And it is more hurting to know the he never love me the way i did. NEVER. our relationship is only a lie. what? He may think that my feeling to him is a joke ? right...? i told you so, I was young yet so naive... that's it. our relationship over. we never text, never call, even speak to each other. I was badly hurt by him. But it amazing huh ? how he hurts me so much and i still can love him ? yes.. i do. I even miss him everyday even I know, he never feel the same, feel the way I do. So, i made a bookmark, with his name on it. I made it in purple color. One of my favourite color. I used it in my diary. I've made a handkerchief with his name on it. Yes.. I'm crazy..crazy about him. I keep all of them and look at them..when i miss him.. until i decided to burn them. Burn all my memories. JIWANG kan ?? haha. biasala ba itu. time budak-budak. manala tau apa-apa. Yang mana jiwang, mana yang tidak jiwang. HAHA ! Common saying are right ! Time heals everything ! Years gone by, and my memories for him vanished. Even my feelings too.... Until he came back, and say, ' I'M SORRY THAT I HURT YOU LAST TIME. I WAS A BAD PERSON, RIGHT ? '. Boy.. he touched my heart. He only touched my heart, but will never steal it again. hehe. At least, he remember what he have done to me and sorry for that. I'm happy. who says sorry is the hardest part ?? hehe. well, sometimes it do. BTW, boy.. i never hate you.. I even forgive you long time ago.. and thank you for the lesson.. at least you showed me, not to trust boy that easily. hehe.. && for that, I'm happy that I'm single now. I don't have to rush in love. when the time is right, love will come easily (: I know, my God will give me the right person to love, the ONE He provided for me. All I have to do is.... wait (:

once again, Boy.. Thank You for your SORRY.

I still believe in MIRACLES

there's nothing on earth could express my feeling. no one.. not everyone from you all can feel the pain i'm having. it's like i'm having a blade that cut straight thru my heart. :'(. so, here's the plot. i'm applying for IPG, i got the interview for TESL, i went the interview snd  i've done my homework before that. everything went well, i've done my interview, I swallowed my nervous, i put a smile on my face and overall, everything seems just okay until yesterday, i checked the result and it's hurt to see that my IC number was not in the list. haaaaa ~ I cried ! Cried with all my heart contented. there's a little bit regret in my heart. I asked God, 'Why ? Is my prayer still not enough for You ? ' . I was mad. I'm angry. Now i know what broken heart really is.. more painful compared when boyfie left you behind. i was hurt. i was badly hurt. But then, i come back to my God. I know, this is not His fault, and it will never be. It was mine. I pray to God. I poured everything to Him. All my despair, all my cries to Him, because i know, He's the one who knows me, understands me more than everyone around me do.
He watch me from above. He knows what is my heart desire and I know, He will provide for me. Not in the way that i want it to, but in the way He want it to be. I BELIEVE in Him. I know, He has His plan on me. Last night, when i cried on my bed, i took the bible and read it and i found verses that seems speak to me.

" Bersukacitalah dalam PENGHARAPAN, bersabarlah dalam KESESAKAN dan bertekunlah dalam DOA"

I know this is hard for me, because this is about my future, what i want to be, what will i be, and what would my future bring. But i have to fear no more, for i have my God, my Provider. He knows my future, He holds it in His hand, He will guide me, i know,,, and I believe, I will become a teacher someday. Even I may think this is impossible. yeah ! IT IS impossible. How could it be ? I've lost my offer for IPG, I got low pointer in matrix, very low... you might think that i just have to bury all my dream because they seems out of reach now. literally... But i will never give up..  I know i can count on my God. i still believe in MIRACLES. yes ! I still believe for He has said, ' Be anxiousfor nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God ' ( Philippians 4 : 6 ) . yahh ! I still have the hope. The HOPE in Jesus Christ. I will endure with all this thing with the strengt in Christ, let my FAITH be strong as i'm covered by endless LOVE from Him. I just have to leave all my worries now and cast all my burden to Him. Thank you Lord.. 

the siblings

Greatest gift of life is the life itself (:

life is like a roller coaster.
there's up and down :)
hehe.. merepek huh ?? hihi...
well..this going to be my 'dear diary' online I guess (: